


Uncertainty

by thebluesthour



Series: Taegyu Oneshots for The Soul [5]
Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun, Flirting, Fluff, Insecurity, Jealousy, Kissing, M/M, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:49:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27084403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebluesthour/pseuds/thebluesthour
Summary: Taehyun isn't a fan of change, and with Beomgyu about to start university, Taehyun is afraid his own insecurities (and Beomgyu's new roommate) are going to tear his relationship apart.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun
Series: Taegyu Oneshots for The Soul [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1958551
Comments: 4
Kudos: 212





	Uncertainty

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for this request! I made it pretty angsty, I'm sorry! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy! Are you excited for Blue Hour? The teaser was incredible!
> 
> Not edited. 
> 
> Leave prompts/comments [ here!](https://curiouscat.me/mapsoftheseouls)

After two years of dating, Taehyun had gotten used to a certain lifestyle. He got used to the good morning texts, the cups of tea waiting for him in his homeroom class, and all of the physical affection that came with having Choi Beomgyu as a boyfriend.

Long gone were the days of pining, looking from afar and desperately wanting to spend time together. There were no more nerves, or flustered confessions, or first times in Taehyun’s bedroom while his parents slept across the house. They had fallen into a comfortable routine of loving each other, but that routine was being disrupted.

They were young, and Beomgyu had just graduated last summer from high school. Taehyun still had a year to go, but Beomgyu was set to start university in the fall. Which meant he was moving away from his childhood home and into a dorm with a stranger that Taehyun had never met. The campus wasn’t too far, just an extra three stops on his bus route, but it still made him a bit sad. And when he got sad, he distanced himself from whatever it was that was the source of his sadness.

This time, though, it was complicated, because the source of his sadness was also the one place he wanted to escape to. Beomgyu was so excited for the transition into the next chapter of his life, and Taehyun was so proud of him, but the selfish part within wished that Beomgyu wasn’t leaving. And so, as the date loomed closer overhead, Taehyun found himself alone a lot. He declined date nights on the basis of ‘studying for his early admission exams’, he missed at least two bonfires with all of their mutual friends, and he found an excuse every time Beomgyu asked if he’d like to come over and spend the night.

And it was a weird juxtaposition. Taehyun, in his distancing, missed Beomgyu. But he also knew if he was with him, he would just spiral into a depression that he didn’t want his boyfriend to have to deal with. To sum it all up, Taehyun was caught between a rock and a hard place, and it was starting to affect Beomgyu, too.

Because eventually, the invitations stopped, and the text messages slowed, and before Taehyun knew it, a week had passed without so much as a ‘hello’ between the two of them. And he _hated_ himself. It was his fault, because he couldn’t put his fear of abandonment aside, and now he didn’t know how to fix it. Of course, he knew he could call Beomgyu and he’d be over in a second, but Taehyun wouldn’t even know what to say to the boy. _Hi, sorry, my fear of us breaking up when you leave for college is starting to become the reason we’ll probably break up._ Yeah, because that’s not pathetic at all.

He exhaled loudly, rubbing his eyes and trying to shut off his mind. It was late, and he should probably be asleep. But as he laid down, his eyes fell on the framed photo of him and Beomgyu sitting on his nightstand table, and he felt his heart clench just a little. He stared at it for a few seconds, before rolling and grabbing his phone. He pressed on Beomgyu’s contact before he could talk himself out of it, and put the phone to his ear.

It rang twice, before the line connected, and Beomgyu’s sleepy voice filled Taehyun’s head. “Taehyun? Is something wrong?” he asked, voice hoarse from slumber. Taehyun swallowed, hating the fact that Beomgyu immediately assumed something was wrong rather than just believing Taehyun wanted to talk to him. “No, I just…I missed you,” he replied quietly, feeling a weird sense of shame. He rotated onto his back, pressing the phone to his ear as Beomgyu replied. “Oh,” he said. “I miss you too, but…isn’t it a little late for a phone call?”

Taehyun’s throat closed up at that, and he felt the prickle of tears behind his eyes. “Right, sorry,” he murmured, waiting to hear what Beomgyu was going to say. He heard the boy exhale on the other line, and there was a bit of movement, before he spoke again. “Get some sleep, Taehyun,” he replied, voice monotone. That _did_ make Taehyun tear up, and he just nodded, voice small. “Okay,” he whispered, hoping he didn’t sound like he was crying. “Night,” Beomgyu said through the receiver. The line disconnected before Taehyun could return the bland sentiment.

And as he plugged in his phone and curled up under his covers, he realised neither of them said ‘I love you’ to each other. It was the first time that they had forgotten to.

Taehyun cried himself to sleep that night.

The next day, Taehyun made the resolution that he was going to stop being a bad boyfriend, and would go over and help Beomgyu finish packing up his room. He was scheduled to move in in just a few days, and Taehyun knew this was his last chance before Beomgyu’s life was consumed with dorms, frats, and college boys way cuter than Taehyun. And so Taehyun got dressed, helped his mom make both of them a few rolls of gimbap with some kimchi in a container, and then got in his car to go to Beomgyu’s.

He hadn’t texted beforehand, but he sometimes liked surprising Beomgyu by showing up out of the blue. He deflated a bit when he became of aware of the fact that he had not done that in a while. But it’s okay, he was turning over a new leaf and was going to be better from then on. He played some music to relax himself as he drove the short distance away, letting himself be excited at the prospect of spending time with the boy he had fallen in love with.

When he pulled into Beomgyu’s driveway, he carefully carried the packed lunch up his front steps, and then knocked. He felt nervous, which was a feeling he hadn’t felt in a long time when it came to Beomgyu, but he did his best to ignore it. There was some shuffling and shouting of voices on the other side of the door, before it swung open and Taehyun was greeted with the sight of a sweaty Beomgyu. His hair stuck to the sides of his face, and the collar of his shirt was a shade darker than everywhere else. His eyes widened as he saw Taehyun, but he didn’t smile, even though Taehyun grinned brightly at him.

“Taehyun,” Beomgyu said, holding onto the door, chest heaving. “What are you doing here?” Taehyun’s smile slipped a bit, and he clutched the containers of food closer to his chest. “I brought lunch, I thought we could spend some time together,” he explained, starting to feel a bit awkward. Maybe he should have called. Beomgyu blinked a few times, before straightening and glancing over his shoulder. “I kind of have someone over right now, but…it should be fine,” he replied, voice falling quieter as he spoke. He turned then, walking back inside and leaving the door opened.

Taehyun swallowed, before walking inside and shutting the door. He navigated his way through the familiar house, wondering who Beomgyu had over and why he was acting so weird about it. He rarely saw this side of Beomgyu, this closed-off, slightly irritated version of the normally lively and fun boy he loved so much. Regardless, he followed the noise up to Beomgyu’s room, and he stopped when he saw the other person in the room.

Taehyun didn’t recognise him, but that’s not what he cared about. What he cared about was that this boy was _pretty_. Like, sculpted from marble pretty, and who was he to Beomgyu and why was he in his room? And why was he smiling at Beomgyu like he was the only person left on earth? “Taehyun, this is Jaebum-hyung, he’s gonna be my new roommate at uni,” Beomgyu introduced, gesturing to the objectively beautiful boy.

Taehyun could only nod and bow a bit, standing awkwardly in the middle of Beomgyu’s room. Boxes surrounded him, and Jaebum smiled at him kindly, bowing too, before pointing at the containers in Taehyun’s hands. “Did you bring food? Awesome, I’m famished,” he said, pushing some boxes out of the way and sitting down right on the floor. Taehyun’s eyes flickered to Beomgyu, who didn’t look at him and instead swatted the back of Jaebum’s head playfully. “Yah! I said I would feed you!” he scolded. Jaebum giggled (what the fuck?) and ducked away from Beomgyu’s flying limb.

Taehyun just watched the exchange, starting to feel very unwelcomed, but he supposed he deserved it for virtually ghosting Beomgyu for a week. Even though communication was a two-way street, he was taking the brunt of the blame. “Sit! Let’s see what you brought us,” Jaebum said, waving his hand in Taehyun’s direction. The younger glanced at Beomgyu again, but the boy had disappeared into his closet, so he just decided to smile at Jaebum and sit down. He had only brought enough for two, but he supposed he could split the portions up a bit.

He set everything down and popped the lids off, but before he could divide everything up Jaebum dove in and just grabbed one entire roll of gimbap for himself. Taehyun was a bit surprised at his forwardness, brows flying up his forehead, before he quickly schooled his features. “Fuck, this is really good! ‘Gyu! Your friend brought some amazing gimbap, come try some!” he called out. Taehyun’s jaw dropped a little at that. Had Beomgyu seriously not mentioned to his _roommate_ that he had a boyfriend? And that said boyfriend was sitting right in front of him watching his carefully prepared food be eaten by a stranger?

Okay, so that hurt a little. If this was Beomgyu’s idea of revenge, it was working a bit too well. Taehyun could literally feel his relationship slipping through his fingers and falling right into the Greek god in front of him.

Beomgyu walked out in a fresh shirt and Taehyun looked up at him, but the boy yet again did not spare him a glance. Instead, he sat down next to Jaebum and wrestled half of the gimbap out of his hand. “Sharing is caring, hyung,” he joked. Taehyun felt a bit blindsided, and completely ignored. He didn’t realise how badly he had fucked up, and it was starting to get a little overwhelming. And so, before he could embarrass himself further, he stood up. At the movement, Beomgyu finally looked up at him, but Taehyun couldn’t meet his eyes. Because Beomgyu would see and then he would ask and then Jaebum would see how weak Taehyun was. And he was normally so strong. This was not the version of himself he wanted others to see.

“I’m just gonna, uh, wash my h-hands,” he stuttered, before going to Beomgyu’s bathroom across the hall. He shut the door right as the tears fell, and he clamped a hand down over his mouth to silence any noises he might make. He felt like he was physically falling down down down, and he couldn’t save himself from crashing into the ground. He sat down on the edge of the bathtub and covered his face, hot tears wetting his palms.

He felt like everything was disintegrating in front of him, like he couldn’t breathe, like he had gotten too comfortable in his routine and in that he had failed as a boyfriend. The self-hatred clawed at his insides, and he took a shaky breath (which sounded more like a whimper) as he tried to control his emotions. He usually had a good handle on them, but today just sent him over the edge. Seeing Beomgyu with Jaebum and how well they got along, getting the cold shoulder in return, it was too much.

Beomgyu was going to break up with him. That wasn’t an opinion, it wasn’t Taehyun feeling sorry for himself, it was just the conclusion that made the most sense. Taehyun hardly remembered what it was like to not be with Beomgyu. To not have that warmth, happiness, and light in his life.

The breakup, even if he tried to be gentle, would be torture. They both had the same friends, they would still see each other all of the time, and Taehyun didn’t know if he could handle that. He supposed it would help that he wouldn’t see Beomgyu at school, but for some reason that just made him cry again.

And then came the knock on the door. Taehyun lifted his face, catching his reflection in the mirror. There was no use trying to cover up what he had been doing, and so he just stood up and opened the door. He made eye contact with Beomgyu, and his heart twisted as he saw the pained expression on his face. “I made Jaebum leave,” Beomgyu said quietly, worry laced in his tone.

Taehyun sniffled, wiping his eyes as he looked down. “Didn’t have to do that,” he mumbled. Beomgyu stepped closer, sighing. “What is going on with you?” he asked, exasperated. Taehyun teared up at those words, because he didn’t know. Or he did, but he was ashamed.

“I’m s-sorry,” he apologised. “I should just leave,”. He made to move around Beomgyu, but an arm shot out and stopped him. And before he knew it, he was being pulled and pressed against a chest and the weak control he was maintaining shattered and he let out a broken cry.

Beomgyu’s arms wrapped around him so securely, and his cheek rested on top of Taehyun’s head, and Taehyun just cried. “I’m s-so sorry, hyung, I j-just…I just,” he tried to say, but Beomgyu shushed him, running a comforting hand through his hair. Taehyun’s eyes closed, and he melted into the embrace, breathing in deeply.

They hugged for an eternity, before Beomgyu slowly released Taehyun and walked with him to sit on his bed. They both crawled under the covers like they used to do before they confessed their feelings for each other, and Taehyun felt safe. He was still on edge, and fearful, but at least Beomgyu hadn’t broken up with him yet, so maybe that was a good sign. They laid on their sides, facing each other, and Taehyun did his best to keep his cheeks clear of tears. They stayed silent, and Taehyun knew that he was the one who needed to speak first.

“Is this not w-working anymore?” he asked, the words sounding so foreign and unwelcome on his tongue. He gauged Beomgyu’s reaction, and when he didn’t see a significant one, his heart sunk to his stomach. The older only sighed, running a hand through his hair, before slumping against his pillow. “I think we’re just going through a rough patch,” he said, and oh. Okay. A rough patch sounded fixable. Taehyun swallowed, before nodding, fiddling with the sheets. Beomgyu moved closer, their faces centimetres apart. “I’m sorry for ignoring you,” he whispered.

Taehyun inhaled, reaching a hand out to place it on Beomgyu’s chest, just needing the contact. “I’m sorry for being d-distant,” he replied. Beomgyu opened his arms then, and Taehyun moved right into them. They cuddled together like two puzzle pieces, perfectly aligned. Taehyun’s nose brushed Beomgyu’s collarbones, and Beomgyu’s lips rested on Taehyun’s forehead. “I know how much change scares you, baby, but I promise you aren’t going to lose me,” the older breathed, lips moving over Taehyun’s skin.

The younger only nodded, pressing closer. He wanted to ask something, but he felt a little stupid. However, this was his boyfriend, and he knew that he needed to start being more open with his feelings and his insecurities. And so he took a deep breath, pushed back enough to lock gazes, and asked his question.

“Do you still love me?”

Beomgyu’s eyes widened, before his face fell and he nodded, sliding a hand to hold Taehyun’s face gently. “Of course I do, baby, of course,” he replied, voice so sincere it made Taehyun want to cry all over again. But he just nodded, eyes shining, and stared at the boy who had consumed every facet of his life since the day they met over two years ago.

Beomgyu stared back, before leaning forward and brushing his lips over Taehyun’s. A question. And Taehyun answered by connecting their lips again, kissing sweetly and chastely. It felt like coming home, and so he kissed more and pressed his body against Beomgyu’s and let himself drown in it all.

After a lengthy and in-depth conversation, Taehyun felt much better about his relationship. He promised to not disappear when he was feeling insecure, and Beomgyu promised to be more attentive. It wasn’t an overnight fix, but even a few days later, Taehyun was starting to see the improvements.

He told Beomgyu about how he was worried he wouldn’t be able to find time to see Taehyun with his busy class schedule, and so Beomgyu gave him an (illegal) key to his building so he could come visit whenever he wanted to. He also promised to pick Taehyun up after school every Friday, which was something that made Taehyun dread his final year of school a little less.

Growth was painful sometimes, but at the end of the day it was entirely worth it. As he helped Beomgyu unpack his dorm, they crossed their final conflict.

Jaebum wasn’t straight, which made Taehyun a tad jealous, but Beomgyu reassured him in many different and creative ways that he had nothing to worry about.

Taehyun giggled as Beomgyu threw shirts at him, before tackling him onto the bed and tickling his sides. Taehyun shrieked in glee, laughing loudly and struggling underneath Beomgyu. “Hyung, s-stop it!” he cried, arching his back as he laughed harder. His lungs burned, but he was so happy he never wanted it to stop. Beomgyu only laughed too, before moving to hover over Taehyun, leaning down and kissing him passionately.

Taehyun’s laughter died in his throat as he kissed back, a little breathless, hands coming up to grip Beomgyu’s biceps. They kept kissing, until the door banged open and Beomgyu turned his head sharply. Taehyun did too, but he was still out of breath, so he focused on that mostly. “Yah! ‘Gyu, do you not understand the meaning of putting a sock on the door?” Jaebum yelled.

Beomgyu rolled his eyes, climbing off of Taehyun and helping him into a sitting position. “We weren’t going to do anything, relax,” he said. Taehyun blushed, but his heart fluttered happily when Beomgyu sat next to him, wrapping an arm around his waist. He leaned his head to rest on the elder’s shoulder, and he smiled when he felt a pair of lips press against his hair. Jaebum waved off the excuse, tossing his bag onto his bed and falling on top of it. “There’s a party at one of the frat houses tonight, ‘Gyu, you wanna go?” he asked, scrolling through his phone.

The lack of acknowledgement still bothered Taehyun, but thankfully now, it appeared to bother Beomgyu too. The boy shook his head, smiling at Taehyun, who smiled back. “Can’t, I have a date with my boyfriend,” he replied. Taehyun turned his face into Beomgyu’s shoulder, kissing his neck. Jaebum glanced over at the couple, before shrugging. “Cool,” he said simply.

Taehyun swallowed a laugh as Beomgyu rolled his eyes, before he untangled himself and stood up. “Speaking of that date, should we get going?” he asked, biting his lip. Beomgyu flashed a grin, before nodding, standing up too. “I’m ready if you are,” he replied. Taehyun giggled, before putting his shoes on and looping his arm through Beomgyu’s as they left his dorm.

“Hey,” Taehyun said as they walked. Beomgyu hummed, looking at him.

“I love you,”.

Beomgyu softened, kissing Taehyun’s nose once. “I love you more,”.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for your support!


End file.
